The Time I Met a Guy Named Mohammed

Of course this story starts with me being out with Caitlin and Emma, having a quiet-ish night in TST.  Emma had to leave first to catch a ferry back to Lamma, and Caitlin and I never know when to quit, so we took this as a sign to have a couple more bottles of wine.  Everyone at the bar had left except us and the table next to us.

Turns out it was some guys in town for a Geo-electrical engineering conference, once i'd exhausted the industry buzzwords I could think of, those being "cable" and "wire" we did the usual exchange of who are you and where are you from.  One of the guys was named Mohammed and he was from Iran, but had been living in Belgium for a while, working on his doctorate, his girlfriend was there too, she was an artist tagging along for holiday purposes, then some Spanish guy and a Belgium dude also here for the conference.  We told them we were from the States and Caitlin was getting ready to move back.  So he told us how is mom was always asking when he would come back to Iran, but he really didn't want to.  He enjoyed living in Belgium and what was he supposed to do back in Iran...do the nightly prayer and then shout "Down with America," one arm held high, with the rest of the Iranians....Caitlin and I were both speechless and then started laughing insanely. I double checked and asked him if that was true, and he confirmed.  Unbelievable!! This is one of the best stories I've ever heard

After this I got his business card we made lose plans to meet up the next day for Caitlin's going away party

The next day at work, Emma asked if we had stayed out late.  I relayed the story of our new friend, and said I didn't think we had stayed out much after she left...then I sat for a minute and had a memory, and had to amend that statement because I recalled the engineers leaving and Caitlin and I still sitting there with half a bottle of wine.  The bar staff gave us two plastic cups and poured the wine into them and sent us on our way so they could close up.  Most bars in Asia are just always open, so I can't be sure how long we were there, but I would like to extend my apologize to the bar staff, for being those two lame-os that don't know when to leave.

Advent Gecko

I'm not sure why, but I have drawn myself as though I'm a Tim Burton cartoon in some of these...try to ignore that.

This is what I get for being so greedy...I still ate all the chocolates, I just took a day or two off to forget about the gecko.

Personal Growth

Last Saturday I lost my debit card.  This was after my drunk brain thinking my friend had left when she actually hadn't, so I spent the night hanging out with the DJ in Al's Diner and doing shots with the manager.  If I know drunk kelly (which may or may not be true) I'm sure I was trying to talk to the DJ about One Direction and Tinie Tempah in a completely incoherent annoying fan girl.  And special bonus for myself for spending my most drunken moments with the most sober people in a bar...I'm really good at mingling.  Anyway, when I woke up the next morning I looked inside my wallet (another bonus for not losing my entire wallet) I had in fact lost my debit card, but I still had my HKID and at some point I had picked up a business card for some wine company...all in all it seems like I came out ahead.

Annual Video Christmas Card

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UW4u9EEdlRw&feature=youtu.be

happy holidays

but even though i spent a stupid amount of time editing that all together, the raw video is probably way funnier...

 http://youtu.be/oRwpvL8qymM

 http://youtu.be/UW4u9EEdlRw

 http://youtu.be/XEL_4gPCyAs

 http://youtu.be/BwG7glBIOMg

Jacket Potato

I think I might be incapable of regular human interaction.  This happened outside a bar one night when a couple of friends and I ran into some mutual acquaintances.

*There is a Tinie Tempah lyric that goes, "I've been Southampton but I've never been to Scunthorp" So I try to ask most of the British people I meet if they have been or not been to these places.  I may or may not have said this aloud.  And for some reason, this is my follow up convo:

This was done in what is best described as a squelching voice and involved me holding pretend suspenders (or braces for you british readers) and lots of overemphasized marching in place.  Try to picture it...I'm not sure these cartoons are doing my impression of a jacket potato justice.

The guy I was talking to doubled over laughing and was pretty much speechless.  This interaction ended with the guys all buying us a drink and then leaving for another bar...well played British gentlemen, that is a classy way to leave girls at a bar.  Before they left they did ask to hear the jacket potato impression one more time.  WIN.

Things got Craz

So after about six bottles of wine and a game of pool with a triad (and by triad I really just mean middle aged Chinese guy with a paunch and a lisp) I was a weird kind of angry drunk.  In an attempt to get me to stop acting a food my friend Caitlin invited me back to her place, to try to turn the night into a fun sleepover type situation.

However, I was too busy being an indignant jerk to appreciate it.  I refused to put on any pajamas, including the ones without dogs on them that she had gotten out for me.  So, we were laying on her bed and she quickly passed out, and I was just stewing with the fact that I thought she was trying to get me to wear pajamas with dogs on them, staring up at the ceiling and shaking my head in disbelief.  I mean honestly, the nerve of her.  When I realized she was asleep I slid off of the bed and grabbed a huge bottle of beer, and took it to the streets, opting to walk 30 minutes home...this is something I have done in an angry drunk state before, its not the worst way for me to get over my nonexistence bullshit.

On the way home I ran into this guy. 

I decided what any reasonable girl would, and offered up the one thing I knew would make him leave me alone.

To be fair, I woke up the next day knowing I had walked home and that I angry-made-out with some guy along the way in an attempt to get rid of him...my representation of our conversation is completely fiction, but based on what I think could possible have been said.

The story doesn't quite end there.  A few days later, I was killing time scrolling through my phone and saw I had the digits of someone I saved under the name "Craz."  I put it together that this was they angry-make-out guy, and I might have just been too drunk to add a y to the code name I put in my phone.  Then, I saw his whatsapp pic...

Its blurred to protect his identity...but i think it speaks for itself.

Ok, can't help but adding that my drunk standards need some work, I just don't want anyone to think there was any attraction.  I only made out with Craz as part of my escape route to get away from him.  Its kind of psychologically brilliant if you really think about it.

rape PLAY birthDAY

I celebrated my birthday a couple weekends ago.  On friday night I went on a double date with the guy i've been quasi-seeing...and by that I mean we have gone for dinner/drinks twice but have mostly just been banging for the past month or so and my friend and her girlfriend.  We went to a stage production of A Clockwork Orange, which to be fair is not the best idea for a date.

So, we all went to the play, and, honestly, its a weird play to go on with someone you are seeing casually, since there is rape, sodomy, violence and just some all around weird heavy shit going on.  After the play, which I will say the dude was a good sport for coming to, my other couple friends went home, and this guy invited me for some drinks with his friends. Never being one to turn down a drink, I went along.  His friends were really nice and I was having a decent time mingling, until I realized he was basically ignoring me.  I'm really bad at leaving situations, so I just kept talking to other people because I didn't know how to gracefully get out of there...finally, I busted in on a convo he was having with another girl and said I was going to go home.  He said, "Yeah, we are going to go too." I mistakenly thought the "we" was me and him.  So we were all walking away from the bar, and then crossed a street, which helped me realize that they were going to another bar and it was just me going home.  I'm pretty easy going, and I understand wanting to hang out with your friends and only your friends, but then don't invite me along if you are just going to ignore me the whole night and then send me away with a lame kiss on the cheek, you might as well just high-five me for fuck's sake.

Lesson learned, don't go to rape plays on your birthday and expect a "happy ending" I think this could have been predicted.  Dating is hard.