Separation of Church and Rape

I was visiting a couple friends, and we were having some midday drinks.  We probably were all feeling a bit tipsy, but we were no where near drunk enough for where the conversation took us.  It started out as a joke, but just kind of spun out of control.  If I explain the whole thing it is going to take too long and get too political.  I'll say how it started though.  These were friends I have from my first post-college job...about 10 years ago.  One of my friends referenced how I used to frequently say, "silence equals consent." There was a rapid downward spiral from there that ended with one of my friends walking out of the spiked ginger beer bar we were in (hippy west coast style).  We eventually tracked the friend down and he was sitting on the stoop of an abandoned church.

The conversation continued in a ridiculous fashion, through no one's fault, it just all got way more heated than it needed to.  Either way, the best part was, when this woman was crossing the street and what she shouted out to us:

Sage words, passerby.  I will keep them with me always.

Things in My Handbag

I went to a beer festival yesterday, in preparation for all the beer and foodstand carnage that was going to happen I rad 12 miles.  That might have been a mistake though, because I was buzzing way too early.  I just get too excited at events and am incapable of pacing myself.  I was hopping around between a couple friend groups and kept getting lost.  I made friends with a couple of beer stand people.  Bought a shirt at one of them and negotiated for a free beer...I have no idea what I paid for the shirt, so it may or may not have been a good deal.  I also, gave that beer stand my phone number and email, I think I might become an apprentice there if they get in contact with me.  I was trying to talk this drummer (who is in a band with one of my friends) to giving me drumming lessons...he was not into it at all, but for the record, I think I would be a good drummer.  At one point when I was standing around talking my skirt just fell off...it was just a jersey knit, and I just got it a couple days ago, but apparently that material stretches out easily.  Anyway, here are the contents of my purse as found when I woke up the next morning fully clothed with my lights still on:

-2 hangover cure drinks (I sadly did not bother to drink any of them)
-1 bottle cap
-kowloon bay brewery t-shirt
-neon glow bracelets
-bonus points for still having my wallet and phone!!!
-8 packs of condoms (one of the stands was giving these away...and apparently in my drunken state I was very sure I was going to get lucky, in reality I woke up with the remnants of 2 7/11 sandwiches in my bed...not a man...I'm gross)

Basic

I met up with a friend for happy hour.  The bar was one of those great ones with an obscene about of beer on tap.

We were having a great time, when the bartender set a sample size of an IPA in front of me and said a guy down the bar sent it over.  I'm not the kind of girl a guy buys a drink for, I'm the kind of girl a guy sends a free sample of a beer to.  The bar was really busy, so I didn't really see who the tiny beer was from.  I did drink it.  Then, more than an hour later, when the bar had cleared out a bit the guy came over and asked if I liked the beer.  I'd had a couple more regular-sized beers at this point, so I couldn't really remember it, but I said yes, in an attempt to be congenial.  He chatted with us for maybe 5 minutes, then left.  Didn't hit on either of us, buy either of us a drink, or even chat for that long...such a weird interaction.  Several non-basic IPAs later, the bartender comes back by and my friend (one of those people who know their limits) totally sells me out!! haha

Painful Realization

I first signed up for some online dating website last September.  I was scrolling through facebook and saw that over the last year he started seeing someone, and they just got married in vegas.  Over the last year I have been on about four dates, none of them leading to even a second date.

Tinder Date #4

I met up with this guy, we had dinner and drinks.  The date was going pretty well, conversation flowed easily, drinks were going down smoothly.  The waitress comes by and tells us the restaurant part of the place we were at was closing, but we could move to the bar.  The guy says maybe we should change bars...or we could go back to his for a nightcap.  I say, I hate making decisions, we should just flip a coin.  Neither of us have a coin, so I pick up a coaster off the table, and flip that, heads we go to his, tails we go to a different bar.  It lands tails up, and he looks at me and says, let's just go back to my place, I'm happy to agree.

We get to his place, and take some shots of tequila.  We end up making out and he is getting handsy, so I straight up tell him I'm not going to sleep with him.  I also, like to say things like this aloud, as a way of reminding myself not to sleep with guys, it helps keep me accountable.  His response...

We continue fooling around and he ends up cumming on my stomach (just from grinding and hand stuff, I stayed true to my decision of not sleeping with him).  I'm not usually weird about cum, but for some reason, I jumped up out of his bed and ran into the bathroom, saying I had to get it off me, I'm not trying to be pregnant.  "You are a 31 year old woman, right?" he called after me.  To which I shouted back, "I know I'm weird, don't judge me!"

To be fair, he did message me the following day, and wished me happy travels, as I was going out of town for a couple weeks.  However, I think in my absence, he found someone on tinder...or maybe even in real life.  Someone who probably isn't weird about cum and someone who doesn't think of their life as a social experiment because he never messaged me again.  But good for him, I got a blog post out of it, so really we all came out ahead.

Complisult #18

Good Vibrations

So, I bought a vibrator from groupon.  This happened when I was living with my parents.  I thought it would make me a little less on edge and stop acting like a hormonal teenager.  Plus, it was on groupon for like 12 bucks...when it comes to my sexual satisfaction bargain basement prices are a must (I'm an idiot).

I had it for maybe a month and hadn't used it, and one night, I thought I should.  I got it out and started to, but I don't really like masturbating, I know you are supposed to own your sexuality and all that, but I like when a dude is in to me, not when I'm into myself (haha, that can be taken literally).  I tried, but I wasn't loving it, so I just put it under my pillow and left it there.  It stayed there for over a week, and I kind of forgot about it.  I went out of town for the weekend, and when I got back my mom said something about washing my sheets while I was gone.  Now, we are not a very open family.  I never got an actual "sex talk" when I was growing up.  I don't really talk to my parents about dudes, nor did I fill my mom in on my groupon purchase.  I nonchalantly made my way to my room, and there was a box beside my bed, and my mom had discretely placed my vibrator in there.  She never said a word about it.  I left in the box for the next month or so, and when I finally pulled it out to give it another go the batteries had died, so fuck that (not fuck me, clearly).

Then, another couple of months later my sister's kids were coming to spend a week with my parents, and my mom, very unobtrusively mentioned that I needed to make sure my room was in order and there wasn't anything within reach that I would need to explain to a five or seven year old.  Thanks mom!