Things got Craz

So after about six bottles of wine and a game of pool with a triad (and by triad I really just mean middle aged Chinese guy with a paunch and a lisp) I was a weird kind of angry drunk.  In an attempt to get me to stop acting a food my friend Caitlin invited me back to her place, to try to turn the night into a fun sleepover type situation.

However, I was too busy being an indignant jerk to appreciate it.  I refused to put on any pajamas, including the ones without dogs on them that she had gotten out for me.  So, we were laying on her bed and she quickly passed out, and I was just stewing with the fact that I thought she was trying to get me to wear pajamas with dogs on them, staring up at the ceiling and shaking my head in disbelief.  I mean honestly, the nerve of her.  When I realized she was asleep I slid off of the bed and grabbed a huge bottle of beer, and took it to the streets, opting to walk 30 minutes home...this is something I have done in an angry drunk state before, its not the worst way for me to get over my nonexistence bullshit.

On the way home I ran into this guy. 

I decided what any reasonable girl would, and offered up the one thing I knew would make him leave me alone.

To be fair, I woke up the next day knowing I had walked home and that I angry-made-out with some guy along the way in an attempt to get rid of him...my representation of our conversation is completely fiction, but based on what I think could possible have been said.

The story doesn't quite end there.  A few days later, I was killing time scrolling through my phone and saw I had the digits of someone I saved under the name "Craz."  I put it together that this was they angry-make-out guy, and I might have just been too drunk to add a y to the code name I put in my phone.  Then, I saw his whatsapp pic...

Its blurred to protect his identity...but i think it speaks for itself.

Ok, can't help but adding that my drunk standards need some work, I just don't want anyone to think there was any attraction.  I only made out with Craz as part of my escape route to get away from him.  Its kind of psychologically brilliant if you really think about it.

rape PLAY birthDAY

I celebrated my birthday a couple weekends ago.  On friday night I went on a double date with the guy i've been quasi-seeing...and by that I mean we have gone for dinner/drinks twice but have mostly just been banging for the past month or so and my friend and her girlfriend.  We went to a stage production of A Clockwork Orange, which to be fair is not the best idea for a date.

So, we all went to the play, and, honestly, its a weird play to go on with someone you are seeing casually, since there is rape, sodomy, violence and just some all around weird heavy shit going on.  After the play, which I will say the dude was a good sport for coming to, my other couple friends went home, and this guy invited me for some drinks with his friends. Never being one to turn down a drink, I went along.  His friends were really nice and I was having a decent time mingling, until I realized he was basically ignoring me.  I'm really bad at leaving situations, so I just kept talking to other people because I didn't know how to gracefully get out of there...finally, I busted in on a convo he was having with another girl and said I was going to go home.  He said, "Yeah, we are going to go too." I mistakenly thought the "we" was me and him.  So we were all walking away from the bar, and then crossed a street, which helped me realize that they were going to another bar and it was just me going home.  I'm pretty easy going, and I understand wanting to hang out with your friends and only your friends, but then don't invite me along if you are just going to ignore me the whole night and then send me away with a lame kiss on the cheek, you might as well just high-five me for fuck's sake.

Lesson learned, don't go to rape plays on your birthday and expect a "happy ending" I think this could have been predicted.  Dating is hard.

Tuesdays are the new Saturdays

Somewhere in the middle of spending a grand on wine (that's HKD not USD or GBP or KRW) I decided whatsapping my friends boyfriend who lives in California and I've met a handful of times was a fantastic idea.  Luckily, he was pretty cool about my overshare and nonsensical jibber jabber.  Unfortunately, I was too drunk to catch all his funny jokes.

Have you been reading my blog?

Do you think I could ever get

 a book deal/TV deal??

Yes and yes
Book absolutely
TV only when you come to CA 
and take over :)

Hahaha

I want to go to that TV convention... 

Where you pitch ideas...

 Do you know what I'm talking about?

Also... What do you think of caitlin 

and all this work craziness?

The invention show?
I think she needs to do what is best for 
her and what she wants
No matter what I'm supportive

You are just so great and supportive... It's crazy

I wish you could live here!!!

Find me a job and
Maybe I will...
If Caitlin left now she would regret it 
and it would do either of us any good

Kevin... You are just so understanding

But let caitlin know you want her there

She needs to know you want her... 

But don't need her to come back

This is all crazy analytical

But I think it's right... It may be wrong

I wish you were here for my birthday!!!!

Dammit Kevin

I've told her many times and agree
Well you should be here for my bday!!
Nov. 30th!!!!
What if we all moved to a new country?

OK.. Where?!?

I'm in!!

I didn't name a country yet 
and your in??? Hahaha

Yeah.. I'm an elastic band... I'm totally adjustable

Kevin... Dude account

Are you ready?

This is probably something I shouldn't

Ask

Dude account?
Ready for what?

But u actually really like this guy I'm seeing

I do or you do?
So what's the question?

OK it's gonna get weird... 

Should I continue or stop??

Go for it

I like this guy

So I met up with him after drinking with 

you and caitlin and Emma

And after meeting his brother 

I went home with him in a cab

Yes...go on...
His brother or him?

But..  I ended going down on him in the cab...

That's really gross isn't it???

Because you were in a dirty cab or 
because you went down on him?

I feel like an uber slut

Because I went down on him

Terrible analysis

Why can't I be more in control of my own actions?!?

You really like him...and you 
want to show it...what's wrong with that?
Stop worrying about what others
 think of you and just be you
Embrace your uniqueness

Well..  That doesn't always work.. Surprise!!!

It doesn't?

Wait... What doesnt:?

Being yourself

Being myself doesn't work...

???

I'm congenial!

No you said being yourself doesn't always work
Your confusing lol
Just be you

OK... True... But sometimes it doea

I'm off my face

Who's face are you on? Hahaha

And have to be at work in less than 4 hours

Haha Omg... You don't even want to know

I'll make it. . I'm a trooper

Yes go get em champ!

Yes... I'm a champion

Are you in any way related to dr. Sues? 
And or were you born out of a dr. Sues book?
Like buddy from the movie Elf?

No... I'm from a real person

Oh that's fun...me too

HajH

I wish I were  robot right now

Robot doesn't sleep and neither do you

Yes you are right. 

. Won't be sleeping tonight

How is that possible?

You are a robot

Do you have one
Of those plutonium hearts from iron man? 
Are you secretly iron woman?
No I'm a plastic salesman

Iron man?!?!

I'd sooner take a really jest rather than a krypton tool

Was that English?

Neeeeeeeee

Of course this is what happens after work drinks on Friday.  After our usual post work 5 hours of drinking I was going to meet up with this guy I've been seeing.  He drives a scooter and couldn't find parking so told me to meet him along the street and he would pick me up.

Running across highways like idiots...but to be fair we did look both ways, and I had ran to the bar in a stroke of genius regarding running, drinking, and time saving.

It was a big highway, but we stopped in this weird nook that was like a little strip of sidewalk with a brick seat and some flowers, but walled in...so we had to do some more running

I'm still not sure what Caitlin was talking about here

Now, I realize I didn't properly explain the title of this post.  "Neeeeeeeee" is in reference to the noise Oliver's scooter makes.  Caitlin thought it was hilarious and couldn't stop imitating it.  She even took it so far to send her boyfriend a voice recording of us making the noise.  When she spoke to him the next day and asked if he got the recording he said it was just traffic noises, so I think that means we are pretty good at Neeeeeee-ing.

Super Zeros

For Halloween we have to dress up for school.  My friend Caitlin and I went as puffy superman and spiderman.  Caitlin was a winner choosing a costume with a mask, so she didn't have to smile for all the pictures, not only with the kids, there were quite a few parents who wanted pictures with us as well, not to mention the creepy stand back and lurk photo takers who were basically just getting weird candids of two foreigners in superhero costumes.  We got into the spirit though by lifting every kid onto our shoulders to show what kind of awesome superheroes we were...then we got carried away and picked up this teacher.  

She loved it.

We always put together some sort of games or "haunted house" for the students to go through and this year Jacob put together a net with thick twine streaming down and tunnel system out of cardboard.  After the party was over, we had to clean everything up.  Caitlin and I were helping take down the net and at one part it was held by some rope just out of reach.  We were still wearing our costumes and tried to be heroes.  Here is how that worked out.

If two superheroes fall silently in a school and no one is there to see it...did it even really happen??

The Day the Music Died

We had a three day weekend so some of my co-workers and I decided to go camping in Sai Kung on the beach.  Caitlin and I met at 7:30am because its kind of a mission to get there, you have to catch a couple mini buses and then hike in...and we wanted to get some Chinese steamed buns for all the bus rides. We were so excited because it was just such nice weather and we had a long weekend so we were practically running this hike (of course, I mean the downhill parts) and we were there a good three hours before everyone else showed up.  We set up all three tents so that we had an ocean view and a little bit of a rock garden area.

We rewarded ourselves with beers and splashing around in the water for all of our hard work.  Finally Jacob and Matilda and Sarah and Philip arrived, apparently the water was really rough so boats had stopped running.  So we all swam for a while and then when we went back to our tent compound some dicks had set up like 7 tents right in our ocean view.  We made a fuss and they were kind of jerks about it, but we ended up dragging our tents out from behind theirs and back to a sea view.  Jacob built an amazing fire, Caitlin and I started making smores, Jacob was playing his ukulele and we were all singing an joking and having a grand time.  It was super windy and we were getting a lot of sand in our faces...and in our s'mores, but carefree beach fun was in full swing.  SNAP, the **** to mine and Caitlin's tent shattered.  Cailtin and Jacob went back to the rental shop to sort it all out and they took our deposit, but did get us another tent.  While they were gone I used the time to challenge Philip to a push up challenge.  Sarah timed us, and I did 50 in a minute, which I was feeling pretty good about, until Philip did 70...what a dick.  When Caitlin and Jacob got back we all teamworked it into place as quickly as we could with no light and tummies full of beer chocolate and marshmallow.

Anyway, I will only speak for myself, but I think everyone else feels this way too.  I'm at a point in friendship with my co-workers where I'm so in love with it, and just creepily want to hang out with them all the time, and feel no need to have other friends, which led to this situation...

phone a friend

Kelly 

i droped my phone down a sewer grate last night

Caitlin 

I know :( I'm so sorry

Kelly 

how do you know!?

Caitlin 

I'm talking to Sarah now

Kelly 

how am i going to have my date tonight??!!

Caitlin 

Haha I'm in the sewer grate

Oh shit!

Kelly 

hahahaha

Caitlin 

Look him up on Facebook

Msg your mutual friend

Kelly 

i can only use fb on my phone

Caitlin

Oh man

Kelly 

i'm in a horrible catch 22

Caitlin 

Ok well can you email your friend

Kelly 

hahaha

Caitlin 

Can you call the police about getting your phone back

Kelly 

well i can't call anyone

Caitlin 

I feel like the police should know about who to call in regards to manholes

Kelly 

i don't even know where i was when i dropped it

can you ask sarah?

Caitlin 

Oh god. ..eek sorry

Kelly 

haha, no, don't be sorry i'm the idiot who did this

Caitlin 

She says outside little burro

Kelly 

oh really

i didn't even know we made it there

dammit

why do i have to get so drunk

gaaaahhh!! i really wish i didn't tutor today

Caitlin

Ok well come here after work. And we can figure something out

Kelly 

how much did you end up spending on your phone?

Caitlin

800

Kelly 

ok

Caitlin 

Ok well what is your friend name..or Oliver's name. I'll message him from my Facebook

Kelly

i only know his first name

i'm emailing the mutual friend now

Caitlin 

But maybe he its friends with your mutual friend

Haha ok good

Kelly 

oh, well that's the thing, he was a friend of their friend, so he didn't know my friends

its so convoluted!!!!

Caitlin

Oh my god

This is insane

You're supposed to marry this guy

Kelly 

bahahahaha

Caitlin

This is the story we tell at your wedding

Kelly 

except now i will never see him again!!!

jesus christ

Caitlin

You will

Kelly 

if i get a new phone as soon as i get back from tutoring it should be on by 5pm ish

Caitlin 

If I've learned anything from how I met your mother...

Kelly 

hahahahaha

its going to take 8 years!!!

Kelly 

ok

i feel really stupid

did you have fun last night?

we went to little burro?

what did i eat?

Caitlin

I did and the burrito was amazing

Kelly 

so many questions!!

Caitlin

You called ahead and ordered us three because they closed in 5 minutes

They were amazing!!

Kelly

hahahahaha

well at least my phone was of some use before i threw it down the crapper

Caitlin 

Haha

We can try to get it back

Kelly 

do you think that could happen?

i am more apt to give up on it

Caitlin 

It's worth a shot

They just have to send someone to open the grate

Kelly 

ok

is it cool if i come by your place after tutoring?

Caitlin 

Yup

Kelly 

sarah is sure it was in front of burro?

Caitlin 

Yup

Kelly 

ok

Caitlin 

Oh no! No Singapore pictures!

Kelly

i put them on my computer :)

Caitlin

You're genius

Kelly 

well, if you take a look at the last 24 hours of my life i think there is evidence to the contrary

Caitlin 

Do you think they have a forum on expat for things like this

Kelly 

hahaha

maybe

Caitlin 

Hahaha

You two were smashed

So funny

Kelly 

i woke up and i had googled alarm clock

and sewer phone

hahahaha...did we go somewhere after burro?

i feel like i tried to go to wan chai

Caitlin

Hashanah

We literally crashed into the bar next to little burro. Drank and ate. I went home. You wanted to do dusk till dawn

Kelly

hahaha

oh god

ok, well i'll ask you the rest of my questions in person

what is your room number?

Caitlin 

Sarah said you guys were going to have one more but then decided you guys should go home

Ok haha 9

Kelly 

hahaha ok

i love friday night