Kelly and the C Word

Yeah, I'm sure you are expecting a humorous story about me getting called a cunt...or me calling someone else a cunt, but there will be none of that.

I wrote previously that I had gone to the lady doctor to get my yearly check-up and also make sure I'm STD free.  At the end of the visit, they told me they would get the test results for STDs in 4 weeks, and the pap smear results in 6 weeks, as long as no one called me I should be free and clear, but I could come in and pick up my test results anytime after those 6 weeks.  Well, I made it to the end of the 4th week and was overjoyed to not receive a call back (for once not getting called was a great thing!!).  Then, at some point I began getting these missed calls from the clinic.  I assumed they just wanted me to come pick up my results, so I let it go for a couple months.  When I had a day off school a week ago I went in to pick up the results...well surprise!!!  I have HPV, but like the most atypical of cells, meaning I may have cervical cancer.  And what is the cause of cervical cancer, having sex...seriously???!!  Cervix, you are a cunt, and i really, really mean that.

So, I had the biopsy, and its basically a pap smear, but super duper magnified and on a screen for the doctor and you to look at.  I didn't want to look, but I thought, when am I ever going to be able to see my lady bits on the big screen, so I gave it a chance, I didn't even make it through the beginning stages of the doctor sterilizing my cervix when I thought I was going to throw up so i just had to look at the ceiling and wonder why the air wasn't cranked up to keep me from sweating all over the paper mat I was laying on.  The doctor and nurses were really nice, and laughed at all my lame jokes and my extreme reaction to looking at my own cervix.  The nurse told me it was ok to not look, but later on she made me look at some of the solution they were putting on so I wouldn't be frightened if I saw this color later as vaginal discharge.  I gathered my courage and looked at the screen and it was just a really dark liquid, then the doctor said something about it looking like soy sauce...hahahahaha, this is how I know I'm getting a cervical biopsy in Asia.

I get my results on July 4th, America's Independence Day...appropriate.