I met this guy on the Friday of my birthday weekend.  He was huge, so I nicknamed him gigAndrew, while attempting to have sex with him I broke at least 4 condoms.  My floor the next day was just littered with ripped condoms and two used ones.  The next night, I ran into him again and I asked Becks to take his picture so I would at least remember what one of the guys I've slept with looks like.  Thanks Becks!!

He was this big!!!!

yeah, we banged...twice (the guy on the right, I don't know who the other guy is)

So, of course, when we were done playing Skip-Bo I did go to bed with the dreaded drummer, but not before folding out our sofa bed for his brother...I'm so hospitable!!

drunk kelly + a phone = bad news

So, I randomly ran into the rugby guys I was drinking with a weekend or two ago, and exchanged number so we could meet up on the weekend.  I got smashed, I know, no real surprise there, but just kept texting this guy crazy...for the next 5 hours.  Here is the conversation exactly as it happened, horrible spelling and all.

ME
Are you avoiding me?"?!?!?

NEW FRIEND
Sorry still at this party
where you

ME
omg...i hate being american...im in wan chai fighting a losing battle where are you
is rhyse there??
lets all meet in dusk til dawn???

NEW FRIEND
no rhys.

ME
haha
whyyyyy???

NEW FRIEND
fuck knows.

ME
well fucking hell...won't be the firslt time im dancing by myorselg...ni
no worries
are you in dusk til dawn??

NEW FRIEND
not yet!
still at this party!!

ME
oh
omg its like fake politiciand here please can you and rhyse save us?!?"??
i hate you simply because butterfly is playing and these assholes are going wild for it

NEW FRIEND
why? you'd rather i was going wild?

ME
hahahha i d
don't care if you are going wild...i just want to be going wild too...and with rhyse...hahahhaa
please where are you guys?!?!
i promise i will only be a litle sister
omg seriously save me?!?"?"?
fucking hell just got kicked out of d til d
where are you?!?!?!
but really..where are you?!?
are you trying to avoid me?!??

NEW FRIEND
my phone ran out of battery!
i'm home now

ME
home??? omfg??? hahaha
but really?!?"?

NEW FRIEND
i know night was rubbish
you're still partying?

ME
of course!!! come out it will be awesome!!!
where is rhyse?!?!?

NEW FRIEND
nope. stoned now
he's not out tonight!
prob at home

ME
becks i a awol...im just on my own...

It went on from here, but got even more pathetic on my part if you can believe it.

the worst weekend yet...but it was still pretty great (part 3)

Sunday:

Becks and I woke up before noon with the best kind of hangover.  We spent at least an hour youtubing all the songs we danced to the night before and dancing around our living room.  Our new favourite is Faith by George Michael, but also on the tops are Drive By by train and Love Shack by B52s.  The bar we were at the night before advertises itself as having the best burger in town, so that got in my head and I couldn't get rid of the thought this morning so we thought we would go back for a nice meal and maybe a few drinks.  We got on the MTR and went out an exit we weren't used to, so we were kind of stumbling over ourselves and other people on the street feeling very confused when Becks said, "Where are we?" there were some guys walking by who answered, "Hong Kong" so we laughed and said yes, we know we live here, which they found hilarious.  They were just visiting and asked us where a market was so we gave the best directions we could.  They asked where we were headed and we told them the bar we went to last night, but for lunch, and they decided to tag along with us.  I'm not sure why, but something about them was really easy to talk to...and we were still drunk from the night before, so we proceeded to tell them all of our slutty stories, all about our love chart of guys we've hooked up with and our map where we get stickers for banging dudes from different countries, with the goal of course being total world domination.  They were really nice and not judgmental, one of the guys was early 40s and the other was early 30s.  I think it's just really rare to meet two girls on the street, end up going to lunch with them and then have them carry the conversation with their sexual exploits, so I like to think we are endearing, in a fucked up kind of way.  I told my taxi story, which led into my paper shoes story, and so I said I had to borrow shoes from a dude because I have big feet by asian standards, the 30ish guy didn't believe me so we traded a flip flop, my foot was only slightly smaller than his.  The night went on and we had finished our burgers and quite a few rounds of beers when Becks suggested some jell-o shots, I mean it was at least 4pm by this time, so not totally uncalled for.  We up the rounds of shots and beers until 11pm when the 30ish guy started laying game and asked me to just give him an hour...what can I say, except I really don't know how to say no, he was from New Zealand after all!!  So we went back to my place.  When we were done he took great interest in the map, which was a little weird, but whatevs.  We didn't have a lot of time because I wanted to get back to Becks, and she had lost her phone the night before, so I had no way to contact her.  We hopped a cab back to LKF, but it stopped off at the central ferry because these guys were staying in Macao, so he left, but was nice enough to give me some money for the cab, which was awesome because about this time I realized I'd lost my wallet.  I get back to the bar and becks is nowhere to be seen.  I ask the owner and he tells me she was sleeping at a table so he had to ask her to leave, and then she walked across the street and slept on the pavement for a while.  I walked out and couldn't see her anywhere, so I got another cab back home.  I didn't have enough money to pay for the cab when I got back so I had to leave my handbag with the driver and run up to get more money.  When I reached my door I saw becks passed out in front of our door (turns our she didn't have her keys), so I unlock it and tell Becks to go in, I quickly grab some cash and run back down to the cab.  When I get back to the door Becks is still sleeping in the hallway, so I have to shake her awake and get her into the apartment.  We were home by 1am, so not totally ridiculous  but, now we have had to impose a rule about drinking on Sundays...we just kind of ruin everything!!!

the worst weekend yet...but it was still pretty great (part 2)

Saturday:

I woke up at 4pm, this is highly unlike me, I usually get up very early.  So I got up and this old Swedish guy was there...not the young one.  I didn't want to have sex with him, so I kept pretending to sleep for a while, but then I had to pee.  When I came back to bed he went down on me for so long I felt like I had to have sex with him.  But really he went down on me for so long that I was even bored of it, and it was already early evening, I still wanted to get a run in.  So, whatever we had sex, at least I get a sticker on the map for it...first sex with a Scandinavia, so there's that.  And actually, turns out we had had sex earlier, I only know this because there is no door to my room and Becks got up to go to the bathroom and saw us, so there was really no need for me to be such a prude the next day, by next day i mean later that day, time is so silly!!  So, after sex I got up and quickly showered and then got ready to go run, as i said this guy was older than me, a decade older to be exact, and he was still just laying in bed, I told him I was going to run, but he could keep sleeping if he wanted and he did.  I ran for a little over an hour, got back, did an ab circuit, and then just lied on my living room floor wishing he had left already.  I finally when in and called him lazy and said he needed to get up, he asked if I wanted to take a shower with him and I said I couldn't because I needed to meet Becks at the MTR, so he finally started to get dressed.  I told him I would walk him to the MTR since I was going there to meet Becks, but just then Becks came into the apartment.  Then, he left, and thankfully he was just passing through HK, so there is minimal chance of me running into him again, phew!  Becks and I had to quickly get ready to go back out because we were meeting Jenna's (our old roommate, who is far to responsible to still be living with us) new boyfriend who flew in from South Africa to visit.  We made it out, met up with Jenna and Cody and some other friends had drinks and dinner and watched some rugby...I didn't really watch it but Cody was watching it, I was mostly just standing around drinking and talking shit.  Then, since they are a couple they went home around midnight and Becks and I headed to Al's Diner.  We had no money for drinks and were really just hoping for the best.  We were standing next to this table of older Asian guys and there were two guys and four drinks on the table, so we did some pantomiming questioning the number of drinks compared to the number of people and then they just handed us the extra two beers.  SUCCESS!!  We went to the bathroom and found a half-full drink and poured that into our beer to make some punch (I know, this is kind of a low point, but we were feeling way to sober for this time on a Saturday, tough times, tough decisions, and all that).  Then, we were dancing with a couple of guys, not sexy dancing, just weird dancing where we were acting out all the words, and there was a bit of a lull so we were looking at our empty hands and pretending we had drinks or acting confused that we didn't have a drink in our hands, so one of the guys we were dancing with said, "Yeah, I get you a drink after this song, but now we are dancing!!"  Ok, fair enough.  So, he got us some mixed drinks and Jell-o shots.  By this time I had started making eyes and this guy across the bar who was also being such a fun dancer.  We kept making eyes and then the group he was with got this huge order of Jaeger bombs, and he pulled me over and handed me and Becks one.  So, I was dancing with him and he kept buying drinks, such a gentleman.  Becks met a French guy and was chatting him up by the jukebox.  My guy and all his friends decided they were going to go to Wan Chai and I tagged along, but Becks went home, we still aren't sure why.  So I pile into a cab with all these guys (they are also all wearing Rugby shirts...a little weird).  I don't remember much after this, I know we kept dancing, and I know I made out with the guy I liked, and I know I thought I was going to go home with him, but then the next thing I knew was he put me in a cab alone and sent me home...WTF I HATE GENTLEMEN!!!  But, just jokes, I don't hate this guy, I really like him, not that I remember actually talking to him.

the worst weekend yet...but it was still pretty great (part 1)

Last weekend was one of those weekends that just kind of melded into one long weekend because it was just a string of drunk/hungover/drunk/hungover/drunk...here's the rundown

Friday:
Becks and I met after work for MAD HOUR, which is even crazier and earlier than happy hour, so the plan was for Friday to be an earlier night because Saturday was going to be our big night out.  We were just going to have one, but then the waitress told us that wine was on special and we managed to down three of those before mad hour ended.  Next, we met up with one of Becks' old co-workers at another bar.  We noticed a guy sitting by himself reading a book, granted it was still early...around 7pm, but we were shocked so naturally we went over and berated him, in a friendly enough way that he bought us some drinks.  We creeped him out and then moved on to a table with some older guys, one western and one Asian who were enjoying a nice dinner, now we didn't actually join their table, rather we perched at the edge of it and held a conversation with them throughout the duration of their meal...because its not at all awkward to have two strangers watch you finish your meal.  When they left we decided to go to every bar in Wan Chai...twice.  The next thing I remember is Becks leaving with a man and an Ebeneezers (kabab takeaway).  Turns out she left Amazonia and they wouldn't let her back in because she was too drunk, by some random crazy happenstance I was outside the bar and she tried to get me to go back with her, but 4am is way to early to be going home!!  After Becks left I talked to the dreaded drummer and was telling him my paper shoes story, when I showed him the picture of the shoes on my phone I realized I had a missed call, so I called it back...but it was his number, so I called him back as I was sitting right next to him.  Then he had to go back on stage and I stayed outside the bar talking to every creepy guy there.  A fat gay guy came up and tried to save me from some of the creepier guys, and he was nice so we chatted quite a bit and he kept buying me beers, which was awesome.  Then, we were back in the club and he started to kiss me, and I told him i didn't really want to make out because he was gay and I want to make out with someone I can actually get with, and, well, turns out he wasn't gay...really?!  I got faked gay?!?!!  So, I ran away to one of the few tables that still had people at it (because at this point its like 6:30am).  I was chatting with these guys and they were from Sweeden (my last name is Sweedish!!!) one of the guys was younger and blonde and really cute, the other one was older and i don't know anything about him beyond that.  The younger guy asked if i wanted to leave and I said yes, next thing I remember I was on the skywalk to my apartment with the older guy...WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED??????  But, I was already almost home at this point, so too late to back out now.  We got home after 9am...I started drinking at 5pm...this is not regular!!  Well, maybe it is a bit regular for me, but not for most people.