The Worst Way to Get a Free Bottle of Vodka

I remember going to the New Year's Eve party.  I remember getting my first three drinks.  I remember eating a mini burger...that's it.

The next memory I have is me in bed, naked, crying as a guy was leaving.  I remember him saying something like, "If you want to hang out and have a good time, fine.  But I'm not dealing with this shit." This is very paraphrased, because it's a hazy memory.

I must have gone back to sleep, after that.  I woke up around 9am, alone.  There was change scattered on the floor, a couple of unused still wrapped condoms.  Fuck.  I made two goals for NYE, they were to not blackout and to not sleep with anyone.  Fuck and Fuck.

I had a message from my friend that I'd gone out with to come to lunch with her, so I decided escaping was the best thing to do.  I went and met up with her and spent most of the day with her.  She couldn't help me with any memories though because apparently we had lost each other around 1am.  I know I was up and around until 4:30am because I wear a pedometer that tracks when I am active and I was up and moving until that time.

When I got home, I did a bit of detective work (and cleaning up).  I found a used condom in my rubbish bin, but there was no cum in it (yeah, i picked it up and looked at it, that's not even in the top 10 grossest things i've done, don't judge me).  So, I think that I brought this guy home, we probably started fooling around and then I freaked out because I specifically did not want to have sex that night and then he left, fair enough.  But good on me for throwing a tantrum when I realized I was doing something I didn't want to, and throwing it in such an extreme and off-putting way, that I ended up getting my way.

Later, as I was gathering up all this spare change on the floor, that the guy probably left in his rush to get the hell out of my place, I saw a bag from circle K.  Inside was a full and sealed bottle of Absolut.  And there, my friends, is the silver lining.  Not only did I keep half of my goals for the evening, but the universe rewarded me by bestowing upon me a bottle of booze, happy 2014!!

I would like to break this bottle out for a special occasion, but am not quite sure what even warrants a bottle of booze left behind by a failed one night stand...suggestions?

Dear Neighbor

On weeknights I'm usually not home until around 9pm because I do a lot of private tutoring and some work out classes.  This is why I don't mind living in a small box of an apartment.  This is also why I wake up early to work out in the mornings, by early I mean 5:45 or 6am.

Well, I got home one night a few weeks ago and found a letter under my door.  I will transcribe it for you.

          Dear Neighbor,

          I live in the apartment below yours.  I work in a restaurant that closes quite late every night, so my                 resting time is very limited.

          Two nights ago at, around 6 o'clock in the morning, some noise was coming from your apartment;                 something like somebody is jumping repeatedly, for almost an hour.  I don't know what it is and it is               not my intention to find out.

          I just want to kindly ask you to do it in a different time of the day, since I couldn't sleep anymore and I           only slept since three in the morning.  Also, it was not the first time.

         I would really appreciate it.

         Thank You Very Much.

         Best Regards,

         C.M, apartment 507

It sounds like i'm jumping around because I am jumping around, its called  high intensity interval training for a reason.  I don't know why he would imply that is some sort of weird sex thing i'm doing.  Like I set my alarm for 6 am, to have jump sex every morning...asshole.  I was going to buy him some cookies and some earplugs and go by his apartment to apologize...but, I let it go for too long, so instead I just bought a yoga mat and started working out in the evening and running (outside of my apartment) in the mornings.  I'm a little disappointed in myself for being so accommodating.