Good Vibrations

So, I bought a vibrator from groupon.  This happened when I was living with my parents.  I thought it would make me a little less on edge and stop acting like a hormonal teenager.  Plus, it was on groupon for like 12 bucks...when it comes to my sexual satisfaction bargain basement prices are a must (I'm an idiot).

I had it for maybe a month and hadn't used it, and one night, I thought I should.  I got it out and started to, but I don't really like masturbating, I know you are supposed to own your sexuality and all that, but I like when a dude is in to me, not when I'm into myself (haha, that can be taken literally).  I tried, but I wasn't loving it, so I just put it under my pillow and left it there.  It stayed there for over a week, and I kind of forgot about it.  I went out of town for the weekend, and when I got back my mom said something about washing my sheets while I was gone.  Now, we are not a very open family.  I never got an actual "sex talk" when I was growing up.  I don't really talk to my parents about dudes, nor did I fill my mom in on my groupon purchase.  I nonchalantly made my way to my room, and there was a box beside my bed, and my mom had discretely placed my vibrator in there.  She never said a word about it.  I left in the box for the next month or so, and when I finally pulled it out to give it another go the batteries had died, so fuck that (not fuck me, clearly).

Then, another couple of months later my sister's kids were coming to spend a week with my parents, and my mom, very unobtrusively mentioned that I needed to make sure my room was in order and there wasn't anything within reach that I would need to explain to a five or seven year old.  Thanks mom!