Are you my Boyfriend?

Two Easters ago I went to Taiwan with Becks, and it was an amazing vacay, more importantly its where I got my fortune told for the first time.  Loyal readers of my blog (this is a shout out to you Rach!!) know that since that encounter I am obsessed with this past-time, I've done taro card readings on dates, and pretty much anytime I'm at the temple street market, I get some sort or fortune  palm reading, face reading, tarot cards, I have yet to try to bird that tells you your fortune, but that is next on my list!  So, again, those you read my blog know that when I did my tarot card reading while on a date I asked would I find true love and I turned over a card that said "no hope" needless to say things didn't work out with this guy, but I went back and did the tarot card reading again, because your course can always change right, and so this time I asked if I would find love, not true love, no need to aim too high, and I was told I would meet my boyfriend sometime in the next month.  Well, this was in late March, and April has come and gone, so I don't know where the fuck my boyfriend is hiding, but this relationship is not getting off to a good start!

me with the tarot card that said i would meet my boyfriend...although it kind of looks like a smart phone in this pic

What a Mess

Apple-A-Day April

This was pretty much a bust.  It seemed simple enough after some of my challenges, but I got the stomach flu, so no apple that day or the next, also its really hard to try to choke down an apple when you are hungover.  Most weekdays I was good about having an apple for lunch, but weekends, it was game over.  I'm much better with giving stuff up than having to do something every day.  Oh, well, it's good to learn your strengths, I suppose.

patrick swayze made me lose my wallet

Last Saturday was Beck's birthday, and to celebrate we went to see a stage production of dirty dancing.  After pre-drinks at her place I smuggled a bottle of sparkling wine in to share with my friend Lily.  The show itself was definitely fun, but we pretty much paid to see people pantomiming to pre-recorded voice tracks, which is just a lazy way to put on a show!  Afterwards we went out big.  I woke up with a stranger with a receding hairline, but i think its because of over-wearing baseball caps, not because of his age.  We were fooling around and it wasn't quite working...look, i was dehydrated, and for all i know he had whiskey dick, it can't all be my fault.  Anyway, this caused me to start laughing, because it was taking so long that it was awkward   He hadn't put a condom on, so I asked if he was trying to have unprotected sex with me...no answer, I'm a journalist at the core, so I continued my line of questioning by asking if we had already had unprotected sex...again no answer.  My response:  silence is an answer, then i rolled over and went back to sleep.  I woke up a bit later and we did have sex, but he pulled out and came on my back.  When I finally dragged myself out of his bed, he had been up for a while puttering around his apartment, i hate a lingerer, but I really could not have made myself get up any earlier.  He came into the bedroom and offered me a glass of water.  I got dressed and he told me that when he met me last night I was crying because I had lost my wallet...fuck.  I have no memory of that.  So, I frantically searched through my bag.  Here were the contents:

cork from the bottle of sparkling wine
running shoes
heart rate monitor
octopus card
stevia sweetener
planner
passport pictures

fucking hell, i just lost my wallet 7 months earlier, when will I get my life together?  I guess when i replace all the cards and IDs i just lost.  Well, no use crying over lost wallets, so I went to take a drink of water.  Like I said, I was really dehydrated so I took a huge gulp, and it tasted disgusting so I spit it back out into the glass.  The guy started apologizing and trying to explain that was a different glass with salt water in it, which he uses to rinse.  He handed me the glass with just regular water in it, but the damage had been done.  He offered to walk me to a taxi, but I had no money to pay for one, then he did offer to give me some cash, and despite the fact that he had cum on my back earlier, I still felt like taking money would mean I had no self-respect.  I still had my octo card (mtr/subway/train pass) so he let me to the mtr station and I was on my way.

Later that night I was getting ready to take a bath, and I noticed some white flakes in my belly button.  Now, to be honest I don't clean my belly button that often because it hurts and it ends up being sore for the rest of the day, but of course I'm not going to ignore visible flakes, so I clean it out while I'm taking my bath.  As I'm lying there relaxing, i realize that is from having sex with this guy the first time when he came on my stomach...I should have let him pay for a cab.

Coincidentally, two days later, I fell asleep on a bus and the driver had to wake me up and tell me to get off.  somehow in my rush to get off I managed to also lose the octo card...i have nothing.

***UPDATE***
My wallet was found in tst.  this is not near wan chai, where I lost it.  whoever found it, called the cycling studio i've been going to, to try to get my contact info, and they told the girl there that my walled was in hong kong hotel in tst, check it out, my first thought upon hearing this was that I had gone back to this hotel with some dude, banged him, then went back out to wan chai and went home with another dude.  BUT, i've come to the conclusion that is simply not possible because how could I have paid for a taxi back to wan chai...phew!!  I'm not nearly as slutty as I think I am.  When I did go to the police station to pick up my wallet all that was left was the cards I had already cancelled, some receipts from jello shots bought the night i lost my wallet, some call me maybe cards and stamps for china...thanks good Samaritan.

moving day

well, today marks the end of my slim margin by which i could be considered an adult.  Today I am moving in with a 51 year old woman, who self-admittedly is a depressed alcoholic.  At times I do like to think of my life as a social experiment, so, I suppose this could just feed into that...it beats thinking I have no friends in HK.  let's see how this goes...

meat free march

My challenge for march was to be vegetarian...i still ate fish, but that's a regular vegetarian thing to do, right? All in all this challenge was pretty easy.  I don't like cooking meat because i feel like i'm never handling it correctly (hahaha, i know, make your own joke here).  there was one hungover morning when i thought i had bought a fish sandwich from a bakery, but after consuming the whole thing and a couple hours later thinking how delicious it was i realized it was probably a chicken patty...but still not red meat, so that's not too bad for a hungover blunder.  see ya march.

call me...maybe

So saturday night I went out in wanchai with jen becks and their respective fellows.  It all started out tamely enough, happy hour drinks followed by beer pong.  There was this guy in the beer pong bar who was making eyes at me, and pinched my ass at one point (usually i'm not into such brute behaviour, but sometimes i like a bit of sass).  After our painfully long game of beer pong...we were all so shit, we went to drink outside of a bar on a stoop.  Then, I remembered i had a "call me maybe" in my bag so i filled it out and went back to the bar to give it to the guy...but he wasn't there anymore.  So, we drank for a bit longer and then my friend samantha came by and joined us.  Soon jen and becks and their respective fellows rolled out so samantha and i headed to dusk til dawn.  Sam is a hell of a friend to drink with, i don't remember being without a rum and coke in my hand the whole night...but i also don't remember that much.  I ended up talking to this guy who was from Louisiana and i'm sure i thought i was making a million clever south jokes, but was probably just being an ass.  Anyway, i had that "call me maybe" already to go so i gave it to him.  his response, "Do you just go out with these pre-filled out?" Yeah, fair enough guy.  

one of my still un-filled out call me maybes

The next memory I have is being in the bathroom and my flip flop had broken.  I don't know what my deal is with defunct flip flops, but it seems to be a recurring thing.  I was in danger of being kicked out if my shoes were not to regulation.  A waitress came in and gave me some tape to try to make it work...but it just wasn't.  Then, I had a stroke of genius!  I had a hair tie on my wrist so i put that around the flip flop and my foot, and BAM, its a proper shoe again!!

Next memory, I think I was talking to an asian guy with a western accent...nothing else to go on there.

I woke up in my bedroom the next morning, very confused.  I was meant to spend the night at jenna's house and go on a boat trip the next morning...not be in my own apartment.  I have a feeling I brought someone home with me, and here is why.  There is a pack of cigarettes in my house...i do not smoke.  Also, there is a small notebook i keep by my bed, i noticed it was on the floor so i picked it up and could see where i'd drunkenly tried to write my number, but only got the first 5 digits, mostly illegible, but then the second page had been torn out as thought I had given it to someone.  Then, the worst clue of all.  This could be considered pretty gross, so warning do not keep reading if you can't hang.  I recall someone wanting to go home with me, but i protested I couldn't have sex because I was on my period, so i remember thinking this after i woke up and saw that i had missed the boat, so i laid down and slept on the couch for a bit.  When, I got up from my couch nap, around 1pm i went back and looked in my bedroom and saw my diva cup just lying on the bed (the diva cup is a silicon cup that can be used instead of a tampon, its earth friendly, and i can be a hippy at times).  So, what the fuck.  Did i have sex?  I sure didn't feel like I'd had sex, so if i did it must have been with an asian.  And making things even stranger, just that friday I had gotten an STD test done, and my receipt for that was on my bedside table.  Could I be any more of a whore?!?  But, i trust my body, and I really don't think I had sex.

Anyway, so I had a message on my phone from someone named sam (not the friend i was drinking with...a new sam).  I was meant to meet up with him tonight, but I cancelled because I'm just getting over the stomach flu, and turns out he flied out tomorrow...to where I have no idea.  Then, I had a missed call from the "call me maybe" guy, but by the time i got back to him he had gone back to Louisiana.  That is the equivalent of a triple strike out in one night...NEW RECORD!!!!

**total sidenote, but equally hilarious is the next morning I got a message from my friend sam (short for samantha) that she remembered little to nothing from the previous night, but the cops had come to her house on sunday and apparently she had punched a taxi driver the night before and he was pressing charges...too make this even more hilarious she is the smallest most petite girl ever, but i guess she still packs a punch.  I have sense talked to her and the charges have been dropped, so all's well that ends well!!!