Lunch Leftovers

Burn, Lexy one, Kelly zero

Two Night Stand

I have a lot of one night stands. A little more than two years ago is when I had my first one night stand. The first one was to prove to myself that despite being broken up with by the only guy I'd ever been with I could still find someone who would want me, even if its just for a night. I know this is simple minded dumb-girl logic, but I also feel like it was part of the break up process. Being me, I ended up taking it way to far. I'm a slut by all definitions of the word. I have drunkenly slept with a lot of dudes. The closest I got to sober sex was morning after go-rounds, and let's face it, hung-over sex isn't exactly sober sex, its clumsy and sloppy and yeah, ok, I kind of like it a lot, but there is something to be said for being clear headed during sex.

When in Hong Kong I slept with people on holiday mostly. There's something about my brand of crazy that seems appealing to dudes on vacation. I'm their crazy one night stand story, but they are all my stories, my life is a collection of crazy one night stand stories. Still there would be the occasional night when I would run into multiple dudes I had banged, which is kind of a shitty feeling. But I console myself with the fact that my stories are almost always funny, and I feel that gives my poor choices a redeeming quality that makes them ok.  

When the new year came, and I may or may not have been rufeed, and I may or may not have slept with some guy, if I could remember I would give more details, I chose to make some changes. I did set a goal of not sleeping with anyone unless I knew their name, so far so good on that one. I don't want to cut out one night stands altogether, because I think they are fun and I like meeting someone new and acting on impulses and living in the moment. Even so, it is probably time for me to slow down, which was easy for me to do coming to Alaska. A lot of people come here and start drinking a lot. I've slowed my drinking down considerably. Before I came here I had only slept with one guy this year, and I did get his name. There isn't really anyone here I wanted to sleep with, so I was prepared to go the whole summer season with out incident. But, hey, its me...so of course I ended up sleeping with someone, which leads me to the point of this post (sorry for the long heart-felt exposition, it can't always be funny little cartoons).

The first week or so up here I was working out in the gym, there was a really attractive guy working out also. This employee gym is especially small and dank, there isn't much to look at, and I guess you aren't supposed to admit this, but I just stare at other people when I'm at the gym. Its kind of boring there, and its not like there is a lot to look at, so yeah, if you are in a gym and I'm there I'm going to oogle you, get over it. I was eyeing this guy hard, and I thought he may have been eyeing back, but I was also sweating profusely and who can see properly through all that. When he left I thought he said something like see you around, but my headphones were in, so I wasn't completely sure about that either, and I still had a mile to go, and I don't care how attractive you are, workout comes first.

The first month of work went by and I didn't really see this guy, i'm short-sighted with these things, so I kind of forgot he existed. Until, I worked late one night and missed my dinner break so I got “fourth meal” which is a voucher for a late night meal that you can cash in at the employee bar. I went over there to do just that, when who comes in and sits down beside me? The guy from the gym. He buys me a beer we get to chatting. He is from Serbia, so I tell him I just went there in February. He asks for my number and I have to explain I don't have one, but he can email me, he makes a joke about even his 80 year old grandma has a phone, but takes me email just the same, and we make loose plans to see each other the next evening since we both have the following day off.

The next night rolls around, and work is over, so I should be going to meet this guy at the employee bar, but its the employee bar, and I don't really want to go over there alone, and I have anxiety that he won't show up and I'll just be sitting alone looking weird, plus I'm really tired, so I kind of bitch out. He emails and asks where I am, I tell him I'm so sleepy. He says he really wanted to see me tonight and kiss me. I hem and haw over what to say, and end up giving him my room number. I tell myself I will just make out with him if he ends up coming over. He does come over. I do more than make out.

I had the chance to go on a date, even it if is a quasi-date, but, instead I just get lazy and skip that whole part and sleep with this guy. I was completely sober, so at least there is that. But now I know its not a drunk kelly problem, its just a kelly problem. To my surprise, this guy still wants to hang out the next day, so he comes over again and we repeat what we did the night before.

I see him the next day and he hugs me and kisses me on the cheek, in full daylight, in front of other people. This freaks me out and I'm sure I go rigid and prickly. I keep emailing, because in writing I have no trouble flirting and talking about how I feel, but in person I can only seem to mumble one word answers and make minimal eye contact. He stops emailing back.

This is the story of my first sober sex since I've been single. This is also the story of the elusive two-night stand...which I think is more insulting than a one night stand. For the record, I went over a month without seeing this guy around before I slept with him, but now I see him all over the place, thanks law of averages. I feel like there should be a moral to this story, but I'm not sure what it is, if you think of one add it to the comments please.

Weirdsies

Working in Alaska for a hotel that employs around 500 people, you find yourself hanging out with people you otherwise wouldn't.  This is true for most of my travels, and one of my favorite things about living abroad.  However, this seasonal type of work is more of a young person's game.  So, I suddenly have lots of friends who are around 10 years younger than me.  I don't mind, I think I act at least 15 years younger than I am, so on a mental level we are the same.  One night after drinking with a 21 year old we had this heart to heart outside on a picni table.

What is weird is that I even asked this question, and of course I blacked the whole thing out and had to listen to him tell me about it the next day.

Complisult #744

There are only a few perks to working front desk and the unnamed corporate lodge i work for, and one of them is that sometimes we can nab things out of the lost and found.  Most of it is usually junk, but every now and then, there is something cool.  I like weird shit, so that helps too.

He then compared our bearded friend to Ed, Goofy's next door neighbour, but I am too intimidated to draw a cartoon of an already existing cartoon.  Also, the hat was claimed the next day, so I didn't get to keep it.

In the Bag

It took me a while, but I have managed to find some drinking friends here in Alaska. This story comes from my first big night out with them. It started innocently enough, with an afterwork hike, but the thing is, hiking makes you so thirsty. Three bars later, countless shots and beers in I find myself on the employee shuttle home, just me and the other last guy standing, three other friends had made their way home earlier...I'll just never understand people who know their limit. There's a chunk of the night before this that I don't remember, and a big part after this I don't remember, but what I do remember is that I threw up into my hiking bag while on this shuttle home. Luckily, the guy I was with convinced me to empty my bag out before I threw up into it. We had gone hiking right after work, so my uniform was in there along with my wallet and camera. My friend, assured me the next day that I was very private about my voming and he didn't even realize I had done it, until afterwards I just kept repeating, “I CAN'T BELIEVE I JUST THREW UP IN MY BAG!!” He was pretty drunk as well though, and apparently immediately forgot I had thrown up. He was talking to someone else on the bus and was going on about how it smelled like mozzerella sticks and it was making him really hungry. When he enquired as to where the smell was coming from, the guy he was talking to made a disgusted face and pointed and me and my vom bag.

When we got back to employee housing my friend helped me back to my cabin, and talked me into throwing my vom bag away when I just nonchalantly began carrying towards my cabin, I owe him a huge thank you for that. The next day, in typicall Hong Kong Kelly Style, I was an hour late to work and I looked like hell. Take that America, you can't change me!!

The AK Crew

ok, i've been meaning to do this for a while.  Think of this as like personality profiles of my co-workers...they are listed alphabetically, but then I changed the names to fake ones, so now, its not really in any particular order.

Tippi--she is 20 years old, worked in alaska last summer season, and worked at a ski resort during the winter season.  she has already started a cake decorating business before she did all that, i use the term business loosely, but still she has more ambition than me for sure.  She tries way too hard to be everyone's best friend and hands out strings of compliments to our supervisors.  She does this with the guests also.  She will type up notes for them and then send the notes with coffee vouchers to their rooms, which i guess could just be being nice, but then she tells the rest of us repeatedly that she does this because she wants credit for it, which i find smarmy.  She was sick the other day, and instead of asking to go home, she just sighed deeply and made a miserable face and waited for everyone to ask if she was ok...no one asked.

Cherry--a 50ish year old woman who works the overnight shift.  i don't see her too much since training ended.  she is really short and petite.  She started dating an alaskan the first couple of weeks of being here, and on their first actual date she met his family (gross).  she was previously a flight attendant, despite her name, she isn't a bimbo, but she does get off on the younger guys giving her any attention, and she hits the bars a lot, i don't go out here, so i don't know what they are like or what she is like there, but she is definitely trying to regain her youth (like i'm one to talk on that front, ha!)

Amanda--this is my best friend here.  she worked at a hotel front desk for 6 years before alaska.  her sister is here too, but in a different department, and her sister has been here four or five seasons.  she is 29 and turning 30 in june, which also makes me like her.  the only down side...she is mormon, so she doesn't drink.  one night i had her and another friend (Cindy) over and we played scrabble, and i had some macklemore playing (and we danced) and she asked if we could change the song.  she was very nice about it, and i felt really guilty, but she didn't make a fuss or act super offended.  and there was alcohol in my room, and the other people were teasing me about only having booze and fruit in my room and she told them not to judge me, so that was cool.  she is still my favourite here.

Cindy--she is 24 and short and chubby and has a lisp, and just seems like a cute little girl because of all those features.  this is her first season here and she came with her best friend who is 19 and they both worked at a library before this.  she is really funny and random and says whatever comes to mind, and will make these jokes and comments that are so out in left field you have to laugh out of confusion if nothing else.  we got drunk together one night, and she doesn't really drink that much, but she was slamming these beers down, and these were good micro brew alaska beers, meant to be enjoyed, i forgot a lot of what happened that night, but we went to a dinner show at the lodge and you sit family style at long tables, and there was a japanese woman at our table, so i tried to talk a lot of hong kong shit and at some point i ended up spilling an entire pitcher of water all over out table, but i don't think i made anyone hate me too much...

Elisa--she is late 50s i think. this is her second season here and her husband works here also, but in a different department.  they have traveled all over and have no kids, i think they are both GREAT!!!  and they drink liberally, which adds to my liking them.  she is super nice to the guests, but then as soon as they walk away she always has a quip about them and she is so funny in a sassy way, and talks shit on everything and everyone, but in a jovial not mean and nasty way.

Grace--she is very funny and nice, but does this complete overshare thing where i know she has a brain tumor and gained 150 lbs once she got it but then lost all the weight about a year and a half ago, she came to alaska because her brother died and she wanted a change, and she told everyone this in a group setting on the first day.  She previously worked in the medical field in a management capacity, is really sarcastic and jokey and the guests LOVE her for that, and because she knows some medical stuff and all our guests are crazy old, so i think they find that comforting

Mike--the lone guy, we do have a guy supervisor, so he's not totally the only guy.  he is 27 and worked for the railroad last summer as a supervisor, which was a good job, but there was a merger and because of that they cut down on the over time, so he switched to front desk for this season.  he looks like the guy in 101 dalmatians, the owner guy, who is tall and skinny with glasses.  he hates Tippi and has to work with her almost every day.  its funny, but also awkward because there are so few of us, we really HAVE to like each other.  he is totally on the prowl for chicks, so i try to be his wing man sometimes and find out information about girls in other departments and i make jokes about jesus being the ultimate cock block.  because i make crude statements like this i think he likes me, i want to infiltrate his friend group and make them my drinking buddies, but that is going to take some time.

Kelly Comedy