The AK Crew

ok, i've been meaning to do this for a while.  Think of this as like personality profiles of my co-workers...they are listed alphabetically, but then I changed the names to fake ones, so now, its not really in any particular order.

Tippi--she is 20 years old, worked in alaska last summer season, and worked at a ski resort during the winter season.  she has already started a cake decorating business before she did all that, i use the term business loosely, but still she has more ambition than me for sure.  She tries way too hard to be everyone's best friend and hands out strings of compliments to our supervisors.  She does this with the guests also.  She will type up notes for them and then send the notes with coffee vouchers to their rooms, which i guess could just be being nice, but then she tells the rest of us repeatedly that she does this because she wants credit for it, which i find smarmy.  She was sick the other day, and instead of asking to go home, she just sighed deeply and made a miserable face and waited for everyone to ask if she was ok...no one asked.

Cherry--a 50ish year old woman who works the overnight shift.  i don't see her too much since training ended.  she is really short and petite.  She started dating an alaskan the first couple of weeks of being here, and on their first actual date she met his family (gross).  she was previously a flight attendant, despite her name, she isn't a bimbo, but she does get off on the younger guys giving her any attention, and she hits the bars a lot, i don't go out here, so i don't know what they are like or what she is like there, but she is definitely trying to regain her youth (like i'm one to talk on that front, ha!)

Amanda--this is my best friend here.  she worked at a hotel front desk for 6 years before alaska.  her sister is here too, but in a different department, and her sister has been here four or five seasons.  she is 29 and turning 30 in june, which also makes me like her.  the only down side...she is mormon, so she doesn't drink.  one night i had her and another friend (Cindy) over and we played scrabble, and i had some macklemore playing (and we danced) and she asked if we could change the song.  she was very nice about it, and i felt really guilty, but she didn't make a fuss or act super offended.  and there was alcohol in my room, and the other people were teasing me about only having booze and fruit in my room and she told them not to judge me, so that was cool.  she is still my favourite here.

Cindy--she is 24 and short and chubby and has a lisp, and just seems like a cute little girl because of all those features.  this is her first season here and she came with her best friend who is 19 and they both worked at a library before this.  she is really funny and random and says whatever comes to mind, and will make these jokes and comments that are so out in left field you have to laugh out of confusion if nothing else.  we got drunk together one night, and she doesn't really drink that much, but she was slamming these beers down, and these were good micro brew alaska beers, meant to be enjoyed, i forgot a lot of what happened that night, but we went to a dinner show at the lodge and you sit family style at long tables, and there was a japanese woman at our table, so i tried to talk a lot of hong kong shit and at some point i ended up spilling an entire pitcher of water all over out table, but i don't think i made anyone hate me too much...

Elisa--she is late 50s i think. this is her second season here and her husband works here also, but in a different department.  they have traveled all over and have no kids, i think they are both GREAT!!!  and they drink liberally, which adds to my liking them.  she is super nice to the guests, but then as soon as they walk away she always has a quip about them and she is so funny in a sassy way, and talks shit on everything and everyone, but in a jovial not mean and nasty way.

Grace--she is very funny and nice, but does this complete overshare thing where i know she has a brain tumor and gained 150 lbs once she got it but then lost all the weight about a year and a half ago, she came to alaska because her brother died and she wanted a change, and she told everyone this in a group setting on the first day.  She previously worked in the medical field in a management capacity, is really sarcastic and jokey and the guests LOVE her for that, and because she knows some medical stuff and all our guests are crazy old, so i think they find that comforting

Mike--the lone guy, we do have a guy supervisor, so he's not totally the only guy.  he is 27 and worked for the railroad last summer as a supervisor, which was a good job, but there was a merger and because of that they cut down on the over time, so he switched to front desk for this season.  he looks like the guy in 101 dalmatians, the owner guy, who is tall and skinny with glasses.  he hates Tippi and has to work with her almost every day.  its funny, but also awkward because there are so few of us, we really HAVE to like each other.  he is totally on the prowl for chicks, so i try to be his wing man sometimes and find out information about girls in other departments and i make jokes about jesus being the ultimate cock block.  because i make crude statements like this i think he likes me, i want to infiltrate his friend group and make them my drinking buddies, but that is going to take some time.

Kelly Comedy

The Spike

So, I've found my favourite bar in Alaska.  Its in an old rail car in Denali National Park, and it started out as not really a bar, just a rail car that some guys would stock with booze, then it got too popular and some tickets because it never had a liquor license, but now its on the up and up.  

After work one night we did a hike in the park and then went to The Spike for drinks.  Outside they had an open area with hula hoops, so after some competitions of hula hooping while drinking, we went back inside, and my assistant manager found this wheelchair just chilling in the corner of the bar.

She sat in it for the rest of the night, and got pretty good at turns and inclines.

But she went up a ramp and we didn't see her for a while

I wanted to play too, so I found a stuffed miniature pony and rode up the ramp and around the corner to where she was hiding with her wheelchair.

Then our friend Matt came bursting through with a wooden sword and shield.  All this stuff was just lying around in the main room of this rail bar.  Then, we almost got kicked out because I tried to roll a keg out the door.  The night ended when I lost my phone, but made up for it by stealing some hipster's old man blazer.

Toilet Talk

Like I've said earlier, I've somehow found myself with an abundance of LDS (Latter Day Saint; aka Mormon) friends.  I don't mind, really, I do enjoy drinking, but I enjoy sober fun also, and its been nice to have a friend base that doesn't revolve around drinks.  One of my favourite LDS traditions is family home evenings.  The church encourages families to pick a night to spend at home together, and this usually involves playing board and card games.  I've had some people over to play scrabble before, but this story takes place while playing a game of uno attack.  I was with my co-worker Lexy (non LDS) and another friend, we will call G (LDS).

The other thing you need to know for this story is that my housing here in Alaska is in a two story cabin with 8 rooms, each room shares a bathroom with the room next to it.  I live next to two ladies in their 40s and they are the hairdressers at the salon at the lodge.

So, one of the ladies went into the bathroom, we can't see her, we just hear the door to their side of the bathroom open.

G says he's never been in a room like this before when you can hear neighbors in the shared bathroom.  He lives in a different style room with its own private bathroom.  This was surprising enough, but then...

We all went silent for the longest time, and we were laughing and talking before the person went in the bathroom, so I'm sure they know we heard them.  Later, I had to break the news to G that girls actually do poop and fart and we're not just made of sugar and spice and everything nice, he took it ok, but I think its a process.

Complisult #163

Awkward Alaska

As mentioned multiple times before, I'm not all that great with remembering names.  Well, I managed to take it a step further here in Alaska.  I was hanging out in the lounge of the employee housing building and a co-worker passed by and introduced me to a guy she was seeing, we chatted for a couple minutes, then went about our separate business.  Later that week, I was in the employee dining room and saw the guy, so I smiled and waved.  I saw him again the next day and smiled and waved again.  Then he asked if I'd like to join him, so I sat down with him and we did the normal surface get to know you chit chat.  As I was walking away from the dining room I realized this was not the same guy and felt like a total creep.

In this situation I ended up not being the total creep though.  This guy started coming up to the front desk where I work and lingering around.  He ended up asking me out, and I'm not used to being asked out, so I stammered a yes and immediately regretted it.  He asked me when my co-worker was standing next to me as well.  To make matters worse, after he left, the co-worker told me he had hooked up with her last season, but mid hook up pulled the brakes and told her he couldn't hook up because he had a girlfriend...gross.  Then she continues to tell me he is only 21 or 22...double gross.  Mind you, I am not at all attracted to this guy, and now I'm stuck going on a date with him.

Luckily, the day of the date was super hectic at work and I ended up working overtime and missing the date.  So, I thought I was in the clear.  But this guy wouldn't take a hint...ok, to be fair I didn't give any clear hint, but I was never flirting with him, I had like one lame conversation with him.  He kept coming up to the front desk and asking about my schedule, and I kept putting him off.  Then, one I got on the employee bus that takes us from the lodge to the employee house about 20 minutes away, and who was on the bus...this creeper.  He lives at the lodge, so he doesn't even need to be on the bus, he rode it, just to trap me.  It was horribly awkward, and when we got back to employee housing, he told me he could ride the bus with me every day, I just laughed nervously.  Then, he offered to walk me to my room, but I told him I was meeting up with a friend to watch a movie.

The next day, he was lurking around the front desk towards the end of my shift so we could ride the bus together, and I was thoroughly creeped out, so I told my supervisor about the situation, because I'm a baby and can't clean up my own messes.  I was hiding in the back and she went out and asked if she could help him.  He asked where I was, and she told him I had clocked out, but she was going to be giving me rides home from now on.

I've seen him in passing a couple times now, but I think he got the hint.

Cartoon Partners Wanted

I'm back in the states, Alaska to be exact.  In my pursuit to never let myself be comfortable for very long I left my cushy job and good friends to shiver in the land of the midnight sun.  I thought I might be ready to move back to the states for good, but wanted Alaska as a buffer, a tester state, if you will, to see if I can handle living here before going back to big america.  I don't regret coming here, and I'm mostly enjoying it, but I'm missing HK immensely.  I don't know that I hate America necessarily, but I do know I'm not a fan of these asshole Americans I keep running into here.  I quickly made friends with some Mormons, and I'm slowly finding some drinking friends, but all in all my life here is much tamer, so i'll do my best to keep kellyasacartoon interesting for the next few months (I'm working a summer seasonal job, so i'll get out of here by the end of September).  Until then, to make up for my lameness, I will be accepting reader submissions.  Send me your stories of mistakes and grandeur, and I will cartoonize them, or if you want them to stay in your own words, I can just post them.  Send your submissions to kellyasacartoon@gmail.com