Christmas Packages Come In All Shapes And Sizes

This sums up the Christmas break for me and my friends perfectly:

Jenna:  went home for her winter holiday and her boyfriend and her decided he would move to HK, so he is coming over in February.

Becks:  stayed in HK for break and got a Chinese boyfriend.

Me:  got back from winter holiday and was very sick, according to the 5th doctor I saw, I have herpes.

*****DISCLAIMER*****
it's the common kind of herpes aka a cold sore, so considering all the strangers I have sex with, I think I'm still doing pretty well, but still, was that really necessary Santa?!?!?!

I'm Groupon Famous!!

I've been taking a dance class with some girls from work for the past month or so.  Its called Jazz/Funk Intro, but it is hardly a class for beginners.  We have to do popping, which is really hard, and sometimes gives me a stomachache, still its really fun.  Anyway, last week at school my friend was looking at groupon and came across this and ad for Fame Union, the dance studio we go to, featuring a sample video...WITH US IN IT!!!  so, I am the tall non asian in the back, you can't really see me that well, which is probably a good thing for the dance studio, but still, it's enough for me to think I'm a pretty big deal!!

check out the video here!!!

Jump into January

My challenge for January was to...well jump into January  but when i got back to HK from the states I was crazy sick and my first week back to work i went to a different doctor every day.  I just kept getting referrals and no one knew what was wrong with me.  It was really frustrating and I had no voice and no Chinese language skills to use even if had a voice.  I ended up being put on anti-virals for shingles, which kind of makes sense because chicken pox was going around the school i work in.  right, as i was saying the challenge for January was meant to be "jump in to January  but it turned out to be more of a crippled hobble into January  and as it ends up i didn't drink for that week i was sick, so i'm giving up drinking for 30 days, i know, i shocked myself with that one as well.  with the week head start thanks to my virus I figured this was the best chance i ever had of making it 30 days.  My drinking fast will end February 4th, so I'm kind of on the lunar calendar for this month, when in Asia...

Coincidentally I have had ZERO sex since i stopped drinking... also i think i'm using "coincidentally" wrong here. 

an email from mom

If you think I'm funny (or even if you don't) then you should meet my mom.  She is actually a lot classier than me and not nearly as...well, not sure of the right word, but i'll go with in your face as I am.  Still, she has her own kind of mom humour going on.  This is an email I got from her before I went home for Christmas.  She loves placing emphasis on words, but she will often do this by using quotation marks wrongly, however in this email she managed to used them in her own way AND the right way.  Oh, and sorry about my face, but its where I keep my mouth where my words come out, so just close your eyes.

Remember Remember December

As my loyal readers know, I have been giving myself a challenge each month, and for December it was no blacking out.  This was by far my hardest challenge because you don't know this happens until the next day when people are telling you that you peed on their floor, or were making out with your hands over your head as though you were being mugged, or at least that's how it goes for me.  Luckily, I went home for part of December so that cut back on the weekends in HK, which have proven to be the most blackouttiest.  Unlucky for me this meant I could remember all the crazy awkward things I did.  Cue highlight reel...

Weekend 1:  made out with a guy in an ally, but before doing it ran up to Becks to tell her I was going to do that

Weekend 2:  went home with a guy and got as close as i'll probably ever get to "making love" (i won't even get in to how much i despise this name for sex) and because i'm me during the foreplay part I announced I had a blister on my bum from having a wedgie during my run that morning.

Weekend 3:  after staying at our local restaurant hangout after hours with the boss and some of the staff i performed my flag dance for all of them using a knife.  I told a friend at work about this the next day and he said I was probably actually robbing them and i was just remembering wrong.

Weekend 4:  going out with becks wearing holiday masks and carrying canes decorated to look like candy canes and after making a bartender take endless unfortunate looking pictures of us realizing we looked like we were the rapists from clockwork orange...and only the night before i finished three bottles of wine on my own and then braided all my hair and emailed my ex

Weekend 5:  on new years eve i remember to midnight...but i do have some spotty bits after that, i went home with a stranger friend and when i woke up the next morning there was an opened tub of butter next to the bed...the best i can hope for is that it was his suggestion and i'm not some sort of fat fettishy fuck

thanks for the memories december!

Becks and Kelly go to a Comedy Show...Hilarity Ensues

It all started so innocently.  We just wanted to do something different, so we found this comedy club and were so excited.  It started off great, this group of cute guys came and sat next to us, and the first few comedians were really funny.  This comedy club was a BYOB situation and we didn't know so we only had one drink on us each, so we asked the guys next to us if we could buy some beer off of them, and they said it was our lucky day because there was some mix up when they were buying and they had an extra four beers.  YESSSSSSSS!!!  This turned out to be unlucky for the next few comedians.  We weren't really heckling, we were being our version of vocally supportive, turns out they are the same thing.  Here is our exchange with the last comedian.

          Funny Guy:  So, are you guys with these two? (meaning us)

          Guys:  No, we just met them tonight

          Funny Guy:  Are you girls trying to get with them?

          Me:  Well, we were, but now you've ruined it!

          Funny Guy:  No, YOU ruined it...you know you two are the reason western guys date asian girls.

shiiiiiiiiiiit!!!  we got served!!!!  this was after this exchange with the same comedian:

          Funny Guy:  Who's been drinking tonight?!

          Me:  WOOOOOOOO!!!!!

          Funny Guy:  Yeah, we all know you're drunk.

          Me:  I wouldn't say I'm not incoherent (*this is a quote from Beck's dad, and then, I couldn't keep        myself from continuing with) And Beck's dad has and accordion and when I go to visit I"M going to get to    play it!!!!

So, I was basically quoting inside jokes from myself and Beck's dad.  There was some sort of camera crew there to make a publicity video for a couple of the comedians, and when Becks went to go to the bathroom and one of the earlier comedians wouldn't let her pass because he said we were so horrible that the camera crew left because they couldn't use any of the footage.  After the show, we saw the MC and asked if we were really that bad and he told us we were "a comedian's worst nightmare."  This sent Becks into a downward spiral of guilt while I just congratulated us on making it through a weekend with only ruining two careers that weren't even our own, tamAYto tamAHto.

sports day

Sunday was my school's sports day.  My day started at 6am and we were out in the sun until 4, but we got monday off, so no worries.  The day started with all the children marching in with their classes, each english teacher led a grade (so k3, k2, k1, and nursery) I was leading the nursery kids, they are all about 2 years old and half of them were crying, i saw one throw up, it was all kind of a mess.  Then, we all did some sort of a warm-up dance, then the english teachers and some of the chinese teachers did a flag dance before the games ensued.  My flatmate Rebecca was kind enough to come to video the flag dance which i have drunkenly performed with a knife (instead of a flag) in the weeks before sports day.  

I'm the one in the front right, and then i move to the middle, please hold your applause until the end :)